Sunday

Today is international Baby Lost day. Please know I am thinking of all of you..:)) I prayed for everyone I know who has lost a baby during church this morning. I bought a new cross for Ryan. It had pink flowers and it just seemed fitting.

I took the picture of the flood on the way to church this morning. It has just been storming and storming and raining and now a lot of areas are getting flooded. My backyard is now a swamp. It is supposed to continue through most of the week..wish I could send it to Texas!! This weather just makes me want to stay in bed all day!! I just pray everyone stays safe.

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beautiful day.

Winter-
Will you please stay away until next year?
Thanks!!!!
The weather outside is gorgeous!!! I have loved the last few days. Today, Camden asked if we could go see his baby sister. He really asks a lot of questions about her and why she isn't here...so we went. He sat down by her and was stroking her headstone and saying sleep well baby girl...he even kissed it. He's so precious. And he's stinking cute. If I say so myself.:))

I noticed things I've never noticed there. I realized a little boy is buried behind my family's plot and he has really old toys all around it. He died the year I was born, 29 years ago. I bet his mommy makes sure all his cars stay there on the headstone. He was a little under two. Camden wanted to play with them, but I explained why he couldn't to him and he seemed to understand. The picture above is the back of his headstone. There were headstones for his still living parents right next to him.

Then, I went to my Papa's headstone and I realized my grandparents were married the day before Ryan was born. My Nana is still alive, but she has alzheimers and is in a nursing home. I miss them both...my Nana is completely unaware of everything and my heart hurts that she has to live like that.

Anyhow, I didn't leave there sobbing today. I left with a little peace. Thank you, Lord.

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if you're { blank}and you know it..

Don't you just love my flip flops? I was dying to wear them this morning but I was scared I might be judged for wearing flip flops in February, although it was 70 in central Arkansas yesterday and today. When does it become socially acceptable to wear flip flops? Or does it even matter?

Today Scotty and I took a long drive, it was so pretty and thats one of my fave things to do. Then I dragged him through antique stores, which I LOVE, he does not. I found several things I thought I must have, although I managed to leave with nothing. I had a lot of fun.

Today I noticed on FB a friend had her baby girl, another announced she was having a girl ( I'm thrilled for her..if you're reading.:-) Another friend is about to have her baby girl, and a couple of weeks ago my friend had her twins. It's really just bittersweet how I had Ryan before some of them even knew they were pregnant, I should have been delivering her at the same time as two of my friends...I have ignored baby shower invitations. I'm looking very forward to meeting these babies, I just don't want to go to the baby showers. I think the general consensus is that because I have kids, it should hurt less. Trust me, thats not the case and I want to shout it out loud! I'm sick and tired of hearing how blessed I am. Duh. I know. But I still want my daughter here with me. People have now forgotten, forgotten about Ryan, forgotten I'm hurting..I try not to pour too much grief into my blog.. which is hard for me. It's one place I feel I can be honest and share my feelings. Maybe I should keep a journal..I don't know. But you friends who pray for me, who get it, thank you and I love you. Because there are so few of you.

The weather the last two days has made me feel much happier, I wish it would stay this way. It's amazing what a sunny day can do for your soul..I'm thinking I should have been born in southern California..:)

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