All over the Place.

That's how I feel.
This picture of Scotty is about a week ago. This was before they added a new incision to him, and a few more drain tubes. He has two chest tubes. He has one new one going to his heart also.

On Thursday, Dr. Rowen (the best thoracic surgeon around) did another operation on him to remove the fluid around his heart. It is called a pericardial window. They removed 450 cc of fluid of of his heart. His incision from that is smaller, but the one from the thoracotomy is about 8 inches. It goes around his side through his ribs to his back. Poor guy has never had surgery before and he is now covered in battle wounds.
We now have a TEAM of doctors including a pulmonologist, cardiologist, hematologist/oncologist, surgeon, infectious disease specialist, and rheumatologist. Whew. It still amazes me how someone who never gets sick is SO sick. Our anniversary was Thursday and he came out of surgery with a ventilator. That is the second time I have seen him on a breathing machine, and let me tell you, I don't like it. He has been diagnosed with lupus. There are more issues going on, but none are definite yet. They have not ruled out lymphoma. I am waiting on the final pathology report. His left lung is still collapsed. He can't breathe without oxygen. He has an enlarged heart. He is still in ICU and won't be leaving anytime soon. He is recieving blood because of his severe anemia.
Please continue to pray for our family. He was denied short term disability and won't be recieving another paycheck. We can apply for SS benefits, but we all know how long that takes. We have a new house, and lots and lots of bills. I am trying to sell our boat and some other stuff. I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. I pray about it every day. I know God will provide and there is a REASON that we are going through this. I have taken everything I have for granted, even though I thought I didn't, if that makes sense.
I have watched so many people close to me suffer because of layoffs from the recession and cutbacks, but we continued to be OK. We payed for healthcare out of our pockets because we are pretty healthy people and he is essentially self employed. I knew it happened to other people, but not me. I prayed for those other people, but really I guess I was selfish. I didn't imagine that my life could change so quickly. Scotty and I joke about all the trips we could take for a night in the ICU. My bills are more than I owe on my house, my cars, my land, my boat combined. The hospital bill is steadily creeping up and I am faced with the fact that we may lose everything. We may have to reevaluate everything we have and our whole lives.
Right now, I just want him to get better and get out of the hospital. I have been here 16 days I believe, and it seems never ending. It is hard because he does everything. He pays the bills, he takes care of all the finances, my car....I need him.
I appreciate all the cards I have recieved from my family, friends, and church. I appreciate all the calls I have gotten from people Scotty works with. My boss brought me a goody basket the first week full of stuff. The kids in my class made me a sweet card. My friend Erin made me a sweet litte basket of snacks. I appreciate her and the others that have came and sat with me when I had to be in the waiting room. Most of all, I really am thankful for your prayers. I am thankful for my grandparents, who have my children and are taking great care of them. My stepmom has also picked them up every evening almost. I love my Christian friends and am so thankful for them. :-)
I miss my kids and I know Scotty is aching to see his babies. This is a hard time of the year to be in the hospital. My Christmas decorations remain in the boxes in the garage. I love to make cookies with the kids. We love to drive around and look at lights. We love Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. We missed both of the parades we usually go to. It's hard.