honesty.

So right now I am feeling very anxious. (We are waiting to be discharged.) I have been constantly praying but I feel so uncertain about our future. How am I going to pay for all of this? I am losing everything but gaining so much in a sense. We have no health insurance. How are we going to pay for treatments? How are we going to pay our bills. We have lived I am ashamed to say an excessive lifestyle. Overspending. So that means we owe more. My cars.....it is just consuming me now.

I also feel in a sense I am gaining something by Scotty not being able to work, more time with each other and a chance to start over. I am not at a loss for material "stuff", just the stress of not having an income. It's hard to grasp. I am grateful for the opportunity to reorganize and reevaluate all the stuff in our lives. I am grateful Scotty is alive. The Dr. told me he was very lucky to even be alive. I am just full of mixed emotions and haven't really had much time to think about things because my life has been consumed with this hospital. Do you know that I have not had ONE meal outside of this hospital since he has been in here? And the food really isn't that great....:-)

I am VERY thankful to my family for all the help they have provided me with my kids. I hope they know that. My grandparents said once they would never keep all three at once. Ha Ha....they did it. My Grandpa has cancer and has gotten up before his treatments to take my kids to school. My Dad and Stepmom have watched the kids a ton since we have been in here, and I appreciate it SOOOOOO much. My stepmom is great with them. My Mom is picking them up today and I am just so thankful for the help I have recieved. My Memaw, Dad, and Mom all had the Swine Flu hit them hard during the course of this hospital stay and so I know they have been exhausted.

I am so appreciative to my friends. My boss at work has brought me goodies, food, and my paycheck up here. I appreciate all the texts and calls. I appreciate the friends who have sat up here with me in the waiting room. I am in awe of how many people truly care. The people at State Farm are amazing for helping us.

I love all of you!!!!!

Sorry this post was SOOOOO long, I got a little carried away. :-)