Catching Up..

So, I got to do something this weekend I haven't gotten to do in a long time...spend time ALONE with the hubby. We rarely ever get to be alone...we are not fortunate enough to have family that will watch all three kids at once...or even one at a time that often.
We went to visit our lake house in Greers Ferry to see how it looked, we had new carpet put in this last week and we wanted to check it out. We also wanted to do some boat shopping. We spent alot of time walking docks and looking for pontoons for sale. We also shopped for new boats (I think a new pontoon is in our very near future.) I really just enjoyed riding in the car with him, and being able to talk and not hear kids whine. It was cold and overcast, but I didn't care. We actually ate lunch and dinner alone. We had a good laugh at lunch when I ordered a sweet tea at a whole in the wall hamburger joint and took a sip and it tasted really bad, and I switched our drinks. I made him take it, and I took his coke. I love me some burger joints, but not these burgers. Anyways, he looked up at me and said I know why you gave me the tea...and there was a large fly floating in the half drank sweet tea. EWWWWW. We even got to go to dinner together. Two meals in one day without kids! I really started thinking and reminiscing while we were eating dinner. So much that we drove the hour and a half back home and realized I left my purse at the restaurant and we had to turn around and drive the hour and a half back. Just more time alone, he said. He wasn't mad. Some men would have been really ticked...the kids stayed with my mother in law who agreed to watch them for the day. So back to the thinking...(this may take forever!) This is our story.

Scotty and I became parents very quickly. We did not plan this, and I certainly did not anticipate or plan my life the way it played out. We had Caden, and he was a very difficult baby, but beautiful and sweet. I dont think marraige was even in our future at this point. I laugh at thinking of us taking care of that poor baby...he was so loved and we tried so hard. When Caden was three months old, I found out I was pregnant. Here we are..no money, one baby, unmarried, and pregnant with another. I knew my family was going to be so disappointed. I prayed like crazy. My family was very supportive and I knew that our new baby was going to be very loved, although I was doing this all the "wrong" way. At about 24 weeks, I had an abruption and had a major bleeding episode. I thought I had lost my baby, and I was admitted to the hospital and put on bed rest. When we found out "she" was fine, I was so thankful that God continued to bless me, even though I knew I was doing everything backwards. We decided to get married when I was pregnant with Laiken, and married within three weeks of deciding to. We got married at my grandparents house, at seven months pregnant. (I wore pants, LOL.) We went on a honeymoon cut short due to contractions and more bleeding. So we really had maybe two days alone together before becoming a family of four. When Lai was born, I poured my whole heart out into being the best mother I could possibly be to my babies. Caden was 11 months old when she was born and I had very little help, so I spent lots of time at home holding two babies, both crying. We had very little money, and Scotty was a truck driver at 24 to provide for us. It was so hard sometimes. We had one car, which he drove to work while I stayed at home with no car. I cooked and cleaned and watched lots of Barney and Noggin. We scraped our money and we ate Ramen and macaroni alot. I appreciated the help I got with clothes and formula, etc..I was so thankful for anything. Sometimes the only time I left the house during the week was to go to Wal-Mart maybe once and to church on Sundays. When Laiken was 7 months we found out, on our ONE year anniversary that baby num three was on the way. I was devastated. I could not grasp how I was going to handle three babies. I have a great family and they love my kids, but I am the one who did everything. I never left my kids overnight, (it wasn't really an option anyways!) Scotty kind of took the news with no reaction, he was just like OK. And he wasn't as involved with the preganncy this time. I think he was nervous as to how he was going to provide for us. I wanted another little girl, but God had a different plan. The sweetest little boy ever was born to us in August of 2004. One look, and I knew God sent him to me. He was so beautiful and perfect. He was an angelic baby. (No so much now.) I survived with a 2 y/o, a 1 y/o, and a newborn all on my own. And it was SOOOOO hard because they were so close, but needed such different things. At this point in my life, financially and emotionally I really understood why people divorce, especially young struggling couples with kids. I came so close, even though I don't believe in divorce. I read about divorce in the Bible, and prayed and soaked myself in it. The next year and a half was a blur, we fought and yelled and took care of babies. I think that it was really hard, because we were never alone and noone ever offered to watch them for us. I stood firm in my decision that I just don't think divorce is the best option. People give up too soon. My own parents divorced when I was 18. We bought our first house, and struggled with the kids. Caden was diagnosed with Asperger's and he was a constant struggle. (Still is, but I adore the little man.) About 4 years ago, I knew God was listening to me. Scotty was blessed with an amazing new job, and things started to change. We moved to TN, moved back to AR, back to TN, and then finally, back to AR. We are very blessed with all that we have now, that sometimes I foget how far we have come. And that there were some amazingly happy times in our tiny house. I was thinking how much I loved spending all my days with my babies, and I didn't ever complain about not having a car. I am not sure that I could handle it so well now. I am so thankful for all that I have, and for my husband who works so hard for all that we have, and rarely tells me no when I want something...I am thankful that I have beautiful amazing kids, even though I PLANNED on being married at 26 and waiting 5 years to have babies. So, I started a little young. I know that at 21, with three kids, I was as good of a mom to them as I would have been at 30. And since 30 is not so far away, I know. So I was thinking really that some of our happiest times were in the beginning even though I didn't really realize it then. Sometimes when I get blinded, I need to look through the cracks. Because I am so super blessed. I love my crazy kids. But, I love the time I get to spend with my husband away from them. I have to admit, though, I am a little envious of you guys that had amazing honeymoons and trips without kids. But, I wouldn't change a thing.

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"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."