the ninth.

The 8th of September 2009 I lost a baby. The 9th of November 2010 Ryan Elizabeth was born into heaven.
Two months. For the rest of my life I will remember this day, the 9th. These two months have flown by...

Which brings me to..(I'm about to get real) how bad I want it. Today my goal became an hour..8,000 steps and four miles. I got up and ate my spinach and eggs..and an hour later I put my shoes on and started running. I run/walk/jog in 3-5 min intervals. After 30 minutes today, I was literally crying, blowing snot, and the salty sweat was dripping in my eyes. I wanted to scream..but all I could think about was how hard it was to bury Ryan and I can do anything. This is easy stuff. When I hit an hour, I felt relief. Sick..but relieved. Exhilerated.

I want to be healthy..I watch the biggest loser and that girl (Sarah, I think) said she wasn't going to lose another baby due to her weight..I cried. My heart hurt for her. I want to be healthy.

So for an undetermined amount of time, I'm cutting out processed foods completely. Eating only clean foods. No restaurants. Ive done it before..I can do it again. I want to be able to take my kids swimming and not feel self conscious, I want to be healthy enough to have another baby someday..I really really want this. And I've lost 4 lbs this week..:))
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Heather said...

I am so proud of you! I have been there many times at the "blowing snot, dripping sweat" stage!! And you are so right----you can do it and you have been through so much worse! Praying for you today!!!

Melody said...

Good for you! YOu can do it!

The Mama said...

Good for you girl! And good for you for losing 4lbs! What a great start. You are right girl, you can do it. Praying for you every step of the way!

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."