if you're { blank}and you know it..

Don't you just love my flip flops? I was dying to wear them this morning but I was scared I might be judged for wearing flip flops in February, although it was 70 in central Arkansas yesterday and today. When does it become socially acceptable to wear flip flops? Or does it even matter?

Today Scotty and I took a long drive, it was so pretty and thats one of my fave things to do. Then I dragged him through antique stores, which I LOVE, he does not. I found several things I thought I must have, although I managed to leave with nothing. I had a lot of fun.

Today I noticed on FB a friend had her baby girl, another announced she was having a girl ( I'm thrilled for her..if you're reading.:-) Another friend is about to have her baby girl, and a couple of weeks ago my friend had her twins. It's really just bittersweet how I had Ryan before some of them even knew they were pregnant, I should have been delivering her at the same time as two of my friends...I have ignored baby shower invitations. I'm looking very forward to meeting these babies, I just don't want to go to the baby showers. I think the general consensus is that because I have kids, it should hurt less. Trust me, thats not the case and I want to shout it out loud! I'm sick and tired of hearing how blessed I am. Duh. I know. But I still want my daughter here with me. People have now forgotten, forgotten about Ryan, forgotten I'm hurting..I try not to pour too much grief into my blog.. which is hard for me. It's one place I feel I can be honest and share my feelings. Maybe I should keep a journal..I don't know. But you friends who pray for me, who get it, thank you and I love you. Because there are so few of you.

The weather the last two days has made me feel much happier, I wish it would stay this way. It's amazing what a sunny day can do for your soul..I'm thinking I should have been born in southern California..:)

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Allison said...

I like your flops! I'd say wear them when it's 70! In Texas, I wore them year round!

Also, I'd say start a journal. I have one and it really does help. :)

My New Normal said...

Wear your flip flops!! And pour your grief into your blog. That's what I do and it's the best therapy ever.

The Mama said...

Girl you are allowed to let your blog be just what you need it to be. If you need it to be all about Ryan for 3 more years, then you do it. You do whatever you need to do to feel "better", or as good as you can feel, and dont think twice about it.

I am praying for you, daily.

Heather said...

Ashley--- I so want you to hear this with your heart...I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT RYAN ELIZABETH. I promise you I haven't and I won't. EVER. (And that's not a yell, like all caps means, sometimes...but a bold statement of strong meaning! :)) I cannot even imagine how hard it is and I am sure you feel like everyone is moving on and you just feel "stuck" and the only thing I can possibly even relate to is when I was trying and trying to get pregnant and everyone else that I knew (even people who weren't even trying!!) was getting pregnant and I just wanted to scream and hide from the world and cry and I just couldn't seem to get it together most days. But God was right there in all that...and He carried me through it, just like He is carrying you. And one day...you will look back and see it. He is faithful. Just trust Him minute by minute and know you have permission to feel however you want to feel. On your blog or in real life or whereever. You be you and that's all you can do. I am praying for you. And I LOVE those flip flops and I almost wore mine today!!! So I say....let's do it!! :)

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."