Today we braved WalMart and all the other crazies who were fighting for bread in preparation for Snowmageddon 2011. It.was.insane.
Thankfully, we didn't need much.

I have been praying about something weighing on my heart very much. It just came to me one day. I want, need to teach my children the true meaning of serving others. I want to serve others. I wanted to sign up for a volunteer program that serves our homeless. I prayed about it, and talked to my family and was met with much resistance. It shocked me, and really upset me. I was told that it was my place to serve my children and to teach them the ways of the Lord. I was told I needed to worry about my own family, that I've been through enough. I believe very much in teaching my children to serve others, but frankly, I don't do a very good job. I want my children to have their eyes opened at a young age. I want to be an example. I have felt very convicted about this. Please pray for me as I struggle with this.

God did not promise us a life that we would choose for ourselves. He promised us He would supply all our needs according to his riches and Glory through Jesus. He promised me His grace was sufficient for me. Somehow, we have gotten off track. Our wants have overshadowed our needs, our frivolous worldly possessions have taken ahold of us. Scotty and I are definitely moving, not sure exactly where, or even in our same town. We have decided to rent and get rid of our cars and start over. We are down to one car now. This only works since Scotty is no longer working. I felt ashamed at first, too leave my big house to go to a smaller rental that may not be as upgraded as I like. Or to lose my way too expensive SUV. I have felt blessed to have all that I have had, but I will feel just as blessed living in a smaller house. I have all I need, right under whatever roof I'm sleeping. I have precious children, a loving husband, and a family who loves me. I admittedly was upset and have resisted the idea of a lifestyle change. God really laid it on my heart. There are children in other countries who are dying from unclean water. There are children starving. There are homeless people living near me. There are people sleeping in their cars, and who am I to be a spoiled brat and be too good to downsize my lifestyle?
I realize I was thrown into our situation for a reason. I've gotten caught up with the worldly trap of possessions and "what I have". What I have is nothing without Him.
He is everything. He is my provider.
We are really having to make hard decisions lately and its really hard right now because I'm grieving. The pain is fresh, and Satan has dug his claws in me. I'm not giving in. I wouldn't wish the last two years of my life on anyone, but I'm thankful.
Thankful for His promises and thankful for my beautiful family.
I struggled with being honest with people about our situation. I surely didn't want to blog about it. But this is real and this is my life.
Thanks for listening.
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Melody said...

I will pray for you too!

Alyssa said...

I'll be praying. I felt the same way back a few months ago and flung myself into serving/volunteering. It has enriched my life as well as my children's. I encourage you to follow your heart. You will not regret it.

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."