Last Night

Last night, I had a little issue that landed me in labor and delivery for monitoring.

I just laid and watched TV and thought about alot of things.

Scotty played Family Fued.

I wasn't too worried about anything for once. I loved laying there listening to the sweet sound of my daughters heartbeat.

Although it is a different hospital, I experienced all kinds of emotions going into labor and delivery. I wasn't put into a room in the way back of the floor. I wasn't taken the long way around to shield me from seeing newborns. I was wheeled right into a regular room where I heard the glorious cries of a newborn baby just born. It took me back to laying in that room for so many days trying to make my body give birth to a baby who was already in heaven.

I truly honestly thought that I would never have another baby and this hasn't been the easiest experience. I can't even begin to explain the emotions that happen during a pregnancy after a loss. The happiness and thankfulness is like none other but the fear, grief, and anxiety are gripping. And then to find out that there are problems and have a high risk pregnancy--well, that set me over the edge. I prayed so hard and knew this baby's life was in His hands.
"Delight yourself also in the Lord: and he shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

I truly never thought I would make it this far. In the back of my mind, the thought of her not making it has always been there. I have been neurotic and cried when she wasn't moving as much as I thought.. Someone told me recently "When your faith increases, your fear decreases"..

Last night as I lay there, thinking as I listened to her steady heartbeat and knowing I've been preparing for this sweet life at home, I realized that I am probably going to bring home a perfect baby. A baby who will bring hope in the wake of our storms, a baby whose face I will look into and know she is here for a purpose. Redemption.

The good news is I got to come home from the hospital and everything is OK for now:-)

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!


Summer said...

My pretty Ash,
OMG you just scared me to bits when I started reading this omg! I am so glad you are o.k. and the little princess is o.k.! Hey email me! What is going on? I'm a bit worried my sweets! OMG I just looked at below posts of her nursery sneak peak and I freaked! It is gorgeous and the colors you picked rocked! I love your idea of gray with a pink stripe! Awesome looks like a celeb nursery in the making! I am so glad Scotty was there with you and that you were able to hear her heart beat all night! I am also glad you are home and you both are ok...if I lived closer I would bring you chicken soup...Bob Evans style you wouldn't want my homemade kind would probably end ya back in the hospital lol! You need anything you text me call me email me well you know what to do sweets


The Mama said...

Bless your heart my friend. I am so sorry that you had to do go to l&d, but I am so glad that you are home and that everything is okay. Praying for you and that sweet baby girl, everyday!

Ashley E. said...

So scary. Glad everything is okay!!!

Nancy said...

So glad everything is ok! I hope you have a good relaxing weekend!!

Hillary said...

Oh my gosh! Is everything ok? What the heck happened?? I'm so glad to hear that everything is still going good. I loved what you had to say about your faith increasing and your fear decreasing! Its something that I need to take to heart a lot more often :). Lots of love to you today sweet friend!


Melody said...

Boo that you had to go to L and D. I'm glad things are fine. I haven't been on my computer all day or I would have read this sooner. HOpe things are fine. Just a few more weeks!

blessedmomto8 said...

SO GLAD everything went well!! YAY

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."