Twenty Twelve

I'm not a believer in "resolutions" but I do believe in making goals for myself every once in awhile and I think the New Year is a great time to do this, as so many are making their resolutions to lose weight, blah blah. (And yes, I've done that too) AND, I need to lose weight;)

I have really been conscious of who I surround myself with. I've distanced myself from friendships that haven't been healthy. Since my kids are older, alot of my friends don't have babies or smaller children and I'm making am effort to make friends with moms who have babies. I need that. Maybe I'll join a new moms group or go to MOPS after Sawyer gets here.

I've blogged about fear before, but the loss of Ryan has instilled a fear in me I've never had. I'm praying so hard about the fears I have right now. As I partook in the Lords Supper tonight on New Years Day, tears slid down my cheeks as I felt so guilty for my fears when He died on the cross for me. He is in control.

I'm not one of "those moms". You know, the ones who make their kids breakfast and have lunches made the night before and have the kids schedules organized, etc. My kids are lucky to get a poptart thrown at them and a lunchable for lunch. They may dig for their socks in the sock basket. Yes, sock basket. We have a community sock basket. And you know what? I'm ok with this. I'm ok with not being perfect. Can I be more organized? Yes. Am I going to try? Yes. But I'm no longer going to beat myself up about it. We are trying things around here to be more efficient, and getting ready for Sawyer's arrival. We are all different. We just had a great session of Sunday School lessons about the different personality types. I'm a Sanguine. You know, the fun, fly by the seat of your pants, who cares about organization type. I'm married to a Melancholy. Mr. Organized. Likes plans. Anyhow...I want to try to improve a few things. ;)

I want to spend more time in my Bible and more time praying for my friends and family. The most important things in my life are God, my marriage, and my children. These are the things I need to focus on the most. Sometimes I put my kids first and it's a hard struggle. I need to focus more on my marriage and my husband.

I want my kids to know how special they are and how much they are loved. I want to spend more time with each child. They are all so different and have such different personalities. I want them to know the most important thing in their lives is their relationship with Christ. It's my job to raise them in the way they should go.

I want to be less shy. More outgoing. That's why I like blogging, I can write what I feel. :)

Last year, before I lost Ryan, I had wanted to do some volunteer work I could include my kids in, but I got so caught up in myself and my grief that I didn't. I really want to make this a goal for this year.

I struggle with contentment alot. We have moved alot. I felt more at peace and so much more happy when we lived in Nashville. I don't know why being away from my hometown was so great, but I wish alot we had stayed. This time last year we planned on moving to NWA, but after house hunting and a few other things, we put it off. I want to want to be OK with where I'm at, but parts of me still want to move back to Tennessee or even NWA. I don't think I'll live here forever, but I want to be content with where I am and I pray for that constantly.

Wow, this was long. :-) I wish everyone the happiest, healthiest 2012. A new year doesn't really mean much. He is still the same today as He was yesterday, and tomorrow.


Ashley E. said...

You should join our playgroup!!!

KERRY said...

Beautifully written, so honest. I am exactly the same as you when it comes to organisational skills ;)
Happy New Year to you and your family, I bet it's not long now til your baby arrives!
Good luck with your future plans :)

Jessica said...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a sock basket. I have tried all kinds of solutions to that problem but the sock basket works best for me. Don't stress the small stuff. Do what works best for you! I love reading your blog...

Hillary said...

Happy 2012! I love your list of not-quite resolutions! They are all awesome goals that I know you'll be able to achieve! Thanks so much for being a great friend through 2011 and here's to an even better 2012!


The Mama said...

I absolutely love this list! I think it's awesome!! Love the idea of making friends with moms with babies. That will be great for you when sweet Sawyer gets here!!!

Nancy said...

What a great honest post! I love this!
Happy New Year!
Wish we lived close!

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."