The "A" Team

I think the prayers I have recieved from all of you, my family, my friends, and my church are what carried me through last night. Because I feel so broken and miserable. I have to continue to be a mother to my children, and try not to cry in front of them. It was so hard to wake up and take them to school this morning.

I know what I am going through is SO common, it's just new to me. And it's hard. I have had several people ask me if I have lost the pregnancy for sure. And my answer to that is I don't know and the Dr. doesn't know. He gave me several scenarios yesterday, some good and some bad. The bleeding has subsided some, it's not as bad. I am still cramping pretty bad, though. Bleeding is fairly normal in the first trimester, and about half of all the women who bleed during the first trimester go on to carry healthy babies. I won't know about my HCG levels until tomorrow after I go get my blood drawn again. I do know that there was no sign of a baby in the sac. The doctor said it is possible since my first + test was a while back, that I may have gotten pregnant twice. It seems highly unlikely, but it could happen. There is a chance I could still have a viable pregnancy. If my levels go up, we will do another ultraound in two weeks. If they go down, it is inveitable I am miscarrrying and will have to let nature take its course or have a D&C. My sweet husband has been so convinced everything is going to be OK, and I shouldn't be so pessimistic and I am trying not to be. It is hard because he is not with me. I am so glad he is coming home tonight.

I am continuing to pray. I know that God's plan is perfect. I know that I can try again. I know that it could be alot worse. I watched my sister in law deliver a stillborn baby boy a few years ago. I know how HARD that was. I have been in awe of some of the women I know who have such faith and strength after losing their babies. I know that this is just a small bump in the road. Please just continue to pray for us, I think they hardest part is NOT knowing. I hemorraghed when I was 17 weeks pregnant with Laiken and I just knew she was gone. I woke up and the bed was DRENCHED. I was soaked in blood. The mattress was ruined. Scotty rushed me to the ER and they put me on the monitor as soon as I got to L&D. I was lightheaded and unaware of what was going on, I knew it took them a minute to get the heartbeat. But as soon as they heard her, I knew she was fine. Now, I don't know. And that's the hard part. Thanks to all of you for your prayers and I appreciate you listening to me ramble....