I WILL praise Him in this storm.

This is what it means to be held Word of God Speak would you pour down like rain There will be a day Mercy came running I can only imagine I will praise you in this storm Who am I hear me when I'm calling Amazing Grace how sweet thy sound It's a slow fade.....

This is what is going through my mind right now. Music is very powerful to me. I love music. Listening to these powerful words all day has made me feel so much better. I have cried, I have laughed and I have been really angry and mad. I have sobbed, I have weeped. I sat in the Dr's office this morning and watched all the teenage pregnant girls in there and got really mad.(I am just being honest.) I was like "why me?" Scotty had to point out to me that I was being very judgemental and not like me. This is part of God's plan for me, and those girls needed prayer not judgement. I have felt despair and I have smiled. I have been really upset about the physical pain and what I went through at the hospital last night. It was so upsetting to me.

That said, my heart has been very heavy today and I have thought so many times of all you girls who are struggling to conceive and the ones who have lost babies after birth. I don't know what that is like. A friend of mine from church has been TTC for several years and has been unsuccessful and has suffered from painful endometriosis for years, and I know she wants a baby so badly. I pray that she is blessed with a baby. I have thought about her alot today.

I will praise Him in this storm and know that he has a plan for me.

I know that this is so common, and thanks to all of you who sent me E-mails telling me your stories. It helps to read about other people's stories. I believe that if He wants us to have baby #4, it will happen. I am going to give myself time to heal.

Aren't they beautiful? These are my reasons to be happy. They are such blessings.


Katie said...

Ashley ~

My heart just breaks for you tonight. I am so so sorry.

Love and prayers are going out for you right now. Katie

Natalie said...

Ashley, I am so very sorry for your loss! I am so proud of you for turning this over to God. Even though it is so hard to understand, only God knows and you just have to keep turning it over to Him. He will continue to bless your family in ways that are unimaginable. You are an amazing mom and you are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers today. I am here for you if you need to talk, I am so sorry. Sending love your way-

Summer said...

I found your blog from Kelly's Korner... I am so sorry for your loss... 4 years ago before I finally had a full term pregnancy I lost a baby at 12 wks... we went into the ultrasound the tech even gave us pics and then by the time the doctor came into re-examine the baby's heart stopped beating... Anywho we wer'e devastated this was our first pregnancy and as I was waiting in the room downstairs for an ultrasound to confirm our loss a teenager about 14 was laughing with her mom and much older boyfriend about having to pee... I had to leave the room... I know I shouldn't have judged but... at the time... I just couldn't deal with it... Now I just pray when I see young girls... We now have a happy, healthy almost 3 year old... and are so blessed... Now we are working on my health... I was diagnosed with Auto-Immune Disease DM/RA/Lupus after I had my precious baby... I know it's hard for you right now and you are in my prayers...

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."