Her things...

Sometimes I feel like I am too honest, and too open. Maybe I should or shouldn't be. I don't know.
Right now, it feels better to blog about how I feel because I don't really talk about it "IRL" that much. I want people to think I am happy, when really I feel like I am dying inside. Yes, physically I feel normal...but emotionally, I am still a wreck. I have momemts I am laughing and then crying all in the same minute. I want to scream. I want people to know how important my little baby was to me. She meant the world to me...I had someone tell me yesterday "at least you weren't full term.."
Knife to the heart. As if I didnt spend time bonding with her, loving her and wanting her. I know that pregnancy loss is hard, no matter what. I'm not sure I could go through it again. But yet, I still want to try to have another. I have moments where I feel like I could have prevented this...where I'm mad at the Dr. I had in the beginning for not listening to me..but it all comes down to, God knew she would go be with Him and there is nothing I could have done to change it. I miss being pregnant SO much. I felt SO much joy knowing I was going to have a precious new baby. I don't ever want to forget her. I blog about it because I don't ever want to forget...I really only talk to Scotty about it and I don't want to be sad and angry around him 24/7. If that makes sense....
Everything I have of hers fits in a little blue box. I am so thankful for the little blue box..I thought I'd share a few of her things.
Her box

This is her dress and bonnet. I also got one of the tiny diapers to keep. This bonnet is soo tiny. It seems so much larger is the picture. It fits the angel I took the picture of in the last post, so I have put it on the angel. So tiny. This dress in itsy bitsy. It is handmade, and I am so thankful people out there are involved in this wonderful ministry of making tiny baby clothes.

Her bible, teddy bear, and ring. SO thankful I have this stuff.

Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, [and] I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

1 comment:

Melody said...

I definitely think that blogging will help you get out all of your feelings and remember it is YOUR blog so blog away. I am so sorry for you and praying for peace! I often have to remind myself of the verse in the bible that says "God will not give you more than you can handle" I have never dealt with the loss of a child but I'm sure that's as close to "more than you can handle" as you can get. You are in my thoughts and prayers. The tiny bonnet is so adorable!

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."