How I found out...

Wednesday before last...seems SO long ago.
I had almost all but quit bleeding and had been seen at the hospital the week before and everything was looking good. Fast forward..I was put on modified bedrest and was really trying to take it easy...It was just really hard with Scotty gone. But pretty much all day why the kids were at school...for weeks, I stayed on the couch.
SO that Wednesday...I was having awful palpitations and was dizzy and felt very strange. I have heart issues and have since I was three. I have a mitral valve prolapse, an arrythmia, and a murmur. My heart was racing....I felt horrible. I called the triage nurse and she sent me to the ER. I called my Memaw and asked her to go with me and arranged to have my kids picked up from school. I made it to the ER and they told me the wait was 5 hours. Somehow, after 15 minutes I was put in the triage nurse. I really thought it was my potassium...which was why I was sent to the hospital the week before. She ordered a stat K level right there and it was normal so for some odd reason she asked the girl back there helping her to go find an ultrasound machine. I was in that triage room...windows open, nurses everywhere, sitting up in a chair when I saw the baby very still. She was usually VERY active. But there was nothing. I screamed. She cried. They hooked me up to an IV and I was taken immediately back. They went to get my Memaw, who was in shock. I called my Mom and Scotty and told them to hurry. Scotty was still in Cincinnati so he drove home that night. He made it by about 3:30. I was sent upstairs for a level 2 ultraound and the tech was actually a family friend and it was nice that it was someone I knew. She even printed me out last pictures of Ryan in my belly. It was just a nightmare. Sometimes when your baby dies, your heart rate speeds up and your BP drops which is what happened to me. I listened to her HB the day before on my doppler, very clear. So it had happened very recently.
The whole hospital experience is a blur. I remember being terrified because my BP was so low...the induction for 6 days was awful.
There were some pics taken the day of her service and I thought I'd share.

This is my Memaw and I talking to my sweet baby.

Please pray for me..tomorrow I go to the clinic for a check up and labwork and I'm nervous about going. I'm also praying the pathology report from my placenta comes back. We believe that an abruption caused her death, but that I have a blood clotting disorder causing placenta problems in my pregnancies. I had tons of lab work sent off for all sorts of clotting disorders and I am praying for some answers. I really am nervous about going to the clinic tomorrow and seeing all the pregnant women. It just makes me sooo sad. Im so happy for other people, I just get sad for myself..

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Oh, Ashley, please know that I am praying for you.

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."