Sweet November

It's been 10 months today, since this day..

I wonder what she would look like now, what she'd be doing, and I am missing out on kissing her sweet face, feeding her, rocking her, watching her grow..it's bittersweet.

I'm thankful for this life growing inside of me now, and I pray every day that his or her heart keeps beating. I saw a glimpse of hope on that big ultrasound screen in a tiny flicker of such a big strong heartbeat. It doesn't take away from my pain, but it is hope.

I'm trying to look forward to November this year, to celebrate Ryan's birthday in heaven, and to celebrate Scotty being here.

This was in November 2009, and he was fighting to stay alive. Watching your husband suffer and almost die is like nothing I can ever explain. It's heartwrenching when a dr. looks in your eyes and tells you they are out of ideas, and they don't think he's going to make it. Watching him with a 105 fever for days on a ventilator fighting so hard to wake up. Spending a month without our children, planning his funeral in my mind, how I'm going to tell my kids their dad is gone, how I'm going to survive...but he survived. He made it. I can never tell you how thankful I am.

I'm looking forward to this November, so much to be thankful for and what better month to be so thankful?? The weather will be perfect and spending time with family..I've learned so much these past two years. I have hope because I have faith. I have faith because I trust in God always. He is still the same now as He was before. He carries my burdens and His grace carries me every single day.

I think I'm ready for Sweet November...


Kim said...

Beautiful post. I hope this November brings you joy and peace, you deserve it. Thinking of you and your sweet girl, Ryan today.

The Mama said...

That was so moving. I am so thankful with you that Scotty is alive and that he is here with you. I'm also thankful for the life growing inside of you. Praying for you always

Nancy said...

Being a new reader of your blog, I had no idea about these two life altering events in your life!!
You have a wonderful outlook & I am so happy I have found your blog to read!

"We can cry with hope, we can grieve with hope, because we believe with hope.."